Waking up is the most painful part of my day, even though all parts are painful. Now that you’re gone, I wake up in a cold sweat and immediately a wave of anxiety and sadness hits me and paralyzes me. I feel my longing for you all over my body. My heart hurts, it throbs for you, and it doesn’t quit. I think of you all the time and that’s ok because what else is there to think about? It’s only you, now. There is nothing else. Noa, I miss you so much. My whole body heaves when I cry for you. I want to turn back time so badly and all I want is to have you in my arms again. I miss your smell so much. Your delicate little skin. I want to kiss you all over. I don’t know if I can go on like this without you, Noa. I only got to hold you and be with you for 18 hours, but you have changed me, you have changed my life forever.  I don’t want to stay here on this earth in this body anymore because I don’t have you. I want to free myself from all this pain and suffering and I want to go where you are. Please, Noa, can I just come be with you? Tell mommy where you are, give me a sign somehow, tell me what I need to do, and I will come to you.